The windy fall days leave me untethered, longing for something to sink my teeth into. Longing for meaningful projects. I assumed removing myself from the noise of social media would give me levity and a sense of freedom. Do I feel a sense of relief? No. Am I still bombarded with news? Yes. Does the news about the Facebook whistler blower and seeing Facebook sites go down earlier this week, make me feel confident in my choice? Yes. But I still have that feeling of missing out. The moments of downtime leave me wondering what to do. I would love to say that I have been super productive and reading and writing so much more. That is not the case. I am still feeling my sense of purpose flailing in the wind.
As a new writer, focusing on my memoir of our year on the road, I tell myself that my day should be focused on writing, editing, drafting my proposal. But some days I just can’t look at the words anymore. Some days its too painful to look back on those days on the road and know that my girls are growing up and will be moving on soon. Other days I love looking back at the story, nurturing it and making it better, but every day is different. Today is one of the days I wasn’t ready to dive in to editing a new chapter, instead I write here. Remembering my goal for this blog. Accountability.