It’s Been a Decade

On this day ten years ago, we had been on the road for about a week and we were camping in the small town of Seward, BC at the Rainey Creek Campground, on the border of Alaska. The beginning of so many adventures and long days of driving. The trip that has divided my life into two timelines – Before The Trip and After The Trip. It needs no other explanation, no other details just “The Trip” . Our girls are adults now, something I never thought possible, always so far in the future. They are living their own lives. Making friends I don’t really know, living each day without me and doing well. I guess that’s the point. The goal as parents is that one day your kids will be able to survive and actually thrive without you. That means we did a pretty good job. 

It also means that when we drive along the beach, I start to cry. The beach, where both my girls learned to drive. The beach where we would walk and picnic, bring our beach chairs and sandwiches, our sand toys and beach blankets. We would spend the day, digging, surfing and playing in the water. The girls would find giant logs and pieces of drift wood and spend the day digging holes and building forts or just playing in the sand. No other worries or concerns to be had. Before phones ruined their lives and became their social outlets. These were the days their imaginations would run wild. 

We had so many days like that on the trip. Whether we were at the beach in Savannah or a stream in Gettysburg, the woods of the Canadian Rockies or a simple campground in Montana. We would all find a way to entertain ourselves. I miss those days. I miss the days when we were everything for our kids. Maybe that is a sad statement and I know at the time I didn’t feel the same way. At the time, I was grateful when we had a walk alone or even a night alone in the camper while the girls slept in the house of friends or family, when we were parked in their driveway for the night. But even when we did spread out while we were away, I was always happy when we came back together into our tight quarters. In the cab of the truck, with hours on the road. I had them buckled in and they weren’t going anywhere, right where I liked them. 

Now, we are watching our girls grow and thrive in their new lives. I will continue to remind myself that this is the plan. Healthy birds leave the nest. I know this, my rational brain tells me, I know this is the right way. But my momma heart hurts a little knowing that those digging in the sand days and long drives are behind us. I have to remember that we have new and exciting grown up adventure ahead and I am ready for them. 

As I reflect on the adventure we embarked on ten years ago, the nostalgia of the past comes over me in waves. And while I might shed some tears thinking about the amazing memories that we have had and I might grieve for what was, that grief comes because of the immense amount of love and gratitude I have for those days and that time I had with my family. I will take both the overwhelming love and the sadness and sit with both together.